I hope this person does not read my blog otherwise the suspense will have gone when my letter arrives.

Hi,

This whole process, UK university application, prelim exam, A levels, US university application & A level result release, is like a dream to me. Looking back, I think I did not set any specific goals in the beginning. I only generally knew that I wanted to do well in academics and have a strong portfolio. In studies, I only concentrated on my four H2 subjects, neglecting GP and H3. Hence, considering the amount of effort I put in every subject, maybe I still deserve my results.

GP B
Math, Chemistry & Physics A
China Studies in Chinese B
H3 Contemporary Physics PASS

It is a great disappointment that I got a B for CSC. This is least expected. This is the subject that I took granted for to excel in. I did not make any technical mistakes during the exam such as poor time management or missing parts of the question. I don’t understand why I got B for it. It does not feel real.

My PASS in H3 caused me to lose the Imperial conditional offer. The computing course requires me to get AAA, H3 Merit and 2 in Mathematics Step 1. I thought I could secure it.

My application to Cambridge was unsuccessful. I think it’s because I did not excel in the written test and the interview. I should have been able to solve three more questions in the interview. Well, given my performance on the day, a rejection is within my expectation. I still felt a bit demoralised when I first knew it in mid Jan but I managed to slowly accept it.

I also got conditional offers from University College London (PCM AAA), the University of Edinburgh (PCM AAB)and the University of Manchester(PCM AAB). Base on my results, I can go to UCL if I get a scholarship. I do not know how greatly my results will affect my scholarship applications. I fear for the uncertainty.

US side, I applied to Stanford, Carnegie Mellon, Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, Columbia, Wellesley, Vassar and Smith. I did not apply for Financial Aid from Stanford, Columbia and Carnegie Mellon. If any of the rest six schools admits me, I will be very likely going, since I do not need to carry a scholarship bond.

What I am most afraid of now is that my results will disadvantage me to the extent that I cannot even pass the first round of shortlisting for all the scholarships. I feel as if I am left behind in the darkness with no light to guide me through. I have no idea what’s going to happen.

Well, the last option would be to stay in NUS if all the nine US schools reject me and I do not get any scholarship. My family can afford it.

Though I am sad that I disappoint myself, I am very happy for Daniel’s splendid results. He attained seven distinctions. It means that his participation in IOI did not affect his A Level results at all. I am very proud of him.

I enjoyed my JC days. I am thankful for the happy moments and the nice people I met. Thank you for helping me to edit my UCAS Personal Statement. I may not get these UK university offers without you.

I will update you on my US university application results. Thank you for your support all this while.

All the best!

Regards,
Yangfan

“Ganma, what did you want in life when you were twenty?”
“I wanted a lot a lot of money. I wanted a husband who would love me. And I wanted cute children. Now I am very happy.”

“Daniel, what do you want in life?”
“I want to be happy. I want to have a meaningful job. It should also give me enough time to take care of my family. I want to educate my children and teach them the correct things. If you do not educate your own children, who will?”

Mum:”I think it’s good to be a teacher. It’s stable and managable.”
Ganma:”Why don’t you become a teacher and work in the education sector? There’s a huge market here. Parents are much more willing to spend money on their children than on themselves.”
Jeffery Hong:”Actually a Chinese teacher is a good job. I　listened to my Chinese teacher last time and took it. You may also want to consider it.”
Dandan:”I have never thought I would become a teacher before I came. Looking back, I don’t regret.”

What do I want in life?
A husband who loves me. Lovely children. Live close to my parents. And maybe hopefully friendly parents-in-law. Keep in mind that I am marrying a family.
No matter what happens, these people will always be around to support me and bring me happiness. They will never leave me.

What kind of job do I want?
One that develops me, challenges me and interests me.
One that involves a lot of travelling, constant learning and adapting to new environment.
One that gives me plenty opportunities to meet people from all walks of life and talk to them.
One that never bores me.
One that is meaningful, that contributes to the overall well-being of others.

“autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward”

Will I want the same kind of job when I turn thirty, forty or fifty years old?

Will I want to move from place to place after I freshly start my family and then later have children? Remember that travelling around for work is completely different to travelling with family.

Do I really want to spend so much energy on travelling and adapting to new environment?
Won’t I　feel TIRED to find my way through sometimes?
Do I LOVE FREQUENT long flights?
Do I LOVE the jat-lag?
Do I LOVE to work when I feel sleepy and homesick?　
Don’t forget that I have been living in the same house for more than ten years and I still always want to go back there.

Maybe what I want truly is a lot of money and a lot of holidays so I can travel with my loved ones? This sounds a lot more fun and relaxing to me.

Will I still want to meet total strangers and find ways to get to know them better when my family member falls sick and needs me?

After all, though I have met and talked with so many people during the past four years, only the ones I spent the most amount of time with became my friends still in contact. When it comes to socialsing, the more the merrier may not be true. Only in-depth interaction fosters total trust. Only heart-felt understanding brings about emphathy. I just simply do not have enough time and energy to know everyone well. Is it really wise to continuously expand my social network just to wait for the occasional sparkling enlightment? The size of my immediate contact zone is fixed. When new people come in, some of the old friends must exit. Do I want different small groups of people know bits and pieces of my life here and there or a steady group of family members and friends who know almost everything about my life?

Draft Two:
What kind of job do I want?
One that develops me, challenges me and interests me, and at the same time manageable so I still have good control of my life.
One that never bores me. (filled by the first criterion)
One that is meaningful, that contributes to the overall well-being of others.

Now it looks much more friendly and desirable to me.

What kind of job do I want to avoid?
One that requires me to be out of the house at night frequently. I dread it when I lose my peaceful evenings to do whatever I want.
One that is highly stressful. Well this will cause me to lose more hair and soon I will be bald.
One that is super demanding and imposes a lot of deadlines. Oh no! I wanna breathe!
One that involves a lot of risks and responsibility which my decisions made will affect a lot of people’s lives. –> This is totally contradictory to my motivation to become a public servant - to address the root causes of problems and make changes to improve a lot of people’s lives. Oh no…>_< But I know I will die early of guilt and stress if I make any wrong decision and make many to live a more miserable life. T_T…

I'm tired….I shall stop this seemingly complicated thinking now and go brush my teeth.

Mum, I don't wanna work… Can you work and feed me all my life?

我觉得我的任何问题放在我妈那儿就是屁大的事儿。
纠结来纠结去，就是心里自己生出来的矛盾。还不如钝一点，安安静静做自己的事情。
我就是不安分。我就是死脑筋爱钻牛角尖。
开窍点儿吧。
其实我蛮蠢的。我觉得我妈一眼就看穿我脑袋不灵光，我妈真是火眼金睛。

还学到的一点是：生活不是一场比赛。我不可以老是横向跟别人比。这个习惯带给我太多烦恼与困扰了。嗯。扬帆，花一个月的时间，你要改掉事事跟别人比的习惯。

你只跟自己比。只做纵向比较。
人年轻的时候拿时间换取才华。时间过去了，才华没有增长，就是虚度光阴。
我只要每天都过得充实开心，每天都学点新的东西，都有进步，这样就好。朝着我来这里的目的前进。只求做到最好，永不放弃。

嫉妒，自私，好胜，浮躁。把这些魔鬼统统踢走，还我心平气和知足常乐。

时间：2011年2月28日 2：45pm - 5:45pm
地点：报业中心
试题：

一、作文 （30%）
媒体在社会生活中的地位

我用一小时十五分钟完成第二、三、四部分，剩下一小时四十五分钟写作文。
题目非常广，我画了两分钟思维导图之后发现根本不可能写完所有的方面。最后紧赶慢赶、半踩西瓜皮写出的成品是这样的：

第一段：指出题目的广度，点明媒体在社会发展中的大方向将是从平面走向多维动态、从信息单向流动向多元流动、从迎合大众口味转换成引领社会价值观的主导方向。媒体以促进国家发展，参与提高人民物质与精神生活水平为责任和动力，不断自我提升。

第二段：简介传统媒体与新媒体。缩小文章范围至报纸。

第三段：从新加坡报业控股的使命（mission）谈起，报纸在社会生活中的作用是通报、教育以及娱乐。举例泛谈这三个作用。

第四段：提出我认为报纸应当担负起的第四个使命：沟通。且着重阐述报纸作为中立的第三方在促进政府与人民的公平、透明的沟通的重要意义，协助也同时监督国家治理。点出报纸在从平面走向数字化时，新加坡主流华文报未能跟上时代，提供便捷的网络交流平台的落后之处。

第五段：报纸应当从迎合大众口味转换成引领社会价值观的主导方向，担当社会责任。

第六段：总结。提出报纸只是主流媒体的一个缩影。不同媒体在社会中扮演的角色不同，定位不一样，因此在社会生活中的地位也呈多样化。变是唯一不变的真理。所以媒体也应与时俱进，不断调整其作用与使命，以求更好地为国家发展与提高国民素质做贡献。

写了四面，共1600字左右。

文章不足之处：
1、没谈媒体对人们衣食住行的影响
2、没谈媒体对经济发展与商业交流的影响
3、没有举国外的例子，仅用新加坡报纸为例
4、没有从不同身份人（编辑、记者、读者、政府等）的不同视角来谈媒体的社会地位

题目难点： 题目太大了。看了发慌，知道肯定写不完的，最后也的确没有把想到的所有可写观点都用上。在时间有限的情况下，如何准确地把握题目要求，妥善地取舍观点，再清晰地明了地写出来，很具挑战性。老实说，我到现在都没搞清自己写离题没有。“地位”是指“角色”？“重要性”？我晕晕乎乎的。

二、语文应用
1、选字填空（15%）
度/渡
假村 普众生

象/像
景 假 镜 意

倍/备

需/须

等等
共三十个空。

个人感觉平时没有任何问题的词语，这么颠来倒去地填空，很容易晕。到后来很多答案都不确定了。

2、改病句（10%）
3、改标点符号（5%）

三、时尚用语（10%）
将网络用语或拼音缩写翻成本地华语常用词
东东
灌水
楼上
酱紫
大虾
CEO
RMB
HSK
等等。。。不记得了

我刚刚查答案才发现我搞错“大虾”的意思了。我以为大虾跟菜鸟同义。窘。让我这个书呆子去考网络用语，不是要我命么。
建议接下来要参加考试的同学去修炼这本武林秘籍《网络用语大全——百度知道》 http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/77940378.html

四、翻译(30%)
英译中。
文章关于新加坡种族宗教和谐问题，以及保留母语与文化的重要性。不难。只是不认识sectarian,所以sectarian conflicts仅译为“矛盾”。

Love is not two people looking at each other, but two people looking in the same direction.

基督徒的爱情观甚是有趣。几乎唯美。《路得记》隐示女人只要守着本分做好自己的事情，孝顺，善良，贞洁，主就会引领那个合适的人到来。一切都冥冥中安排好，都是神的旨意。

上帝仁慈，不忍心让男人孤独一世，于是造了女人来陪伴他。婚姻是个仪式，求神见证二人的结合。爱情与誓言有了婚姻的保障才会永恒，这是把安全锁。于是夫妻合二为一，彼此是朋友、伴侣、搭档、合伙人。这是一场身、心、灵的交易。赌注太大，千金一掷，连翻身回头的机会都没有。

我可以理解也赞同这样的爱情观。世风日下之时，宗教不失为约束淫乱、维护婚姻神圣的好方法。可是回归到我起初的纠结点，我不过是占有欲作祟，讨厌这种可能出现的跟上帝分享另一半的感觉。一个虔诚的基督教徒，尊上帝为唯一的神，与他永远同在。无论生死，福祸，喜怒哀乐，只要想起上帝，他就能获得心灵的平和。而我会尊他为神，为我宇宙的重心，一旦两人产生矛盾，他的神依然祥和地爱他，即使他与所谓的一体的妻子不合，而我的世界也许即将坍塌。这又绕回到基督教宣传的信上帝的必要。神永远都在，神的爱千年不变。

爱是恩慈，爱是恒久忍耐，爱是永无止息。

而我的既定价值观不容许自己去寻求信仰。所以二人永远在信仰上有隔阂，不能统一。我不能战胜自己的占有欲去容忍这样一个第三者的存在，尽管他只是个无形的信仰体。嗯。这是一道无法跨越的鸿沟。我还是别碰为妙。

困了。我也不知道自己在写些什么。明天考试。早点休息吧。